Son of "Don't Drift this Thread"'s long lost cousin...

[Rick Brown]

These are winning submissions in the yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.


The Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition..

Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (n.): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n.): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n.): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v.): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n.): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n.): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n.): it's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v.): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n.): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

and the pick of the literature.

16. Ignoranus (n.): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

[Christine Grice]

Overheard Chat Leads To SoCal Car Theft Arrest

SIMI VALLEY, Calif. (AP) -Police nabbed a suspected car thief who apparently drove the stolen vehicle to rescue a friend from the officers' watchful gaze at a Simi Valley restaurant. Simi Valley police say the officers were finishing a meal break Tuesday when they heard a man on a pay phone ask to be picked up because police were watching him. The officers followed the person outside, where they noticed a motorist who appeared to be there to pick someone up. When they checked the vehicle's license plate, they learned it had been stolen in Los Angeles County. The 26-year-old driver was arrested on suspicion of unlawfully taking or driving a vehicle and booked into Ventura County jail.

http://cbs2.com/local/simi.valley.car.2.950927.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

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And in other Stupid news:
http://www.engadget.com/2009/03/04/man- ... light-gun/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Tadd Ekstrand]

What the hell was Aston Martin thinking......

http://www.automobilemag.com/features/n ... index.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Kurt Rahn]

No way in hell the same guy who penned the gorgeous vantage, vanquish and DB9 drew this POS as well. Ugh! Musta been some schmoe straight outta art school trying to stand out...or a Chris Bangle disciple.

[Tadd Ekstrand]

That rear end is just .... I can't even think of the word.

[Kurt Rahn]

FUGLY

[Tadd Ekstrand]

Yay for me just now starting a 5 page Shakespeare paper at 11 at night that is due tomorrow at 8:55 a.m.

I am SCREWED!!!!!

[Jeff Shyu]

Yay for me just now starting a 5 page Shakespeare paper at 11 at night that is due tomorrow at 8:55 a.m.

I am SCREWED!!!!!

5 pages is chump change..

i think back to the papers i had to write in high school, and they all seem like cake now.

even the 50 page president report, which we had an entire quarter for.. >_<

good luck though..

[David Barrish]

As to the Aston;

Buy an Audi A3, apply downward pressure to the roof and you get a longer nose and real booty!

DB

[Jeff Shyu]

thought process as i looked at the AM pictures:



hmm.. interesting, wonder what the side looks like



OMG NO!!!



this has got to be a joke, right?

[Bob Beamesderfer]

That rear end is just .... I can't even think of the word.

Vile.

[Steve Ekstrand]

Chris Bangle went to work for Aston Martin?

[Kurt Rahn]

Chris Bangle went to work for Aston Martin?

No, but that's the only other modern-day designer I could recall who completely f'd up his up-to-then-beautiful marque's designs.

[Aaron Goldsmith]

Chris Bangle went to work for Aston Martin?

No, but that's the only other modern-day designer I could recall who completely f'd up his up-to-then-beautiful marque's designs.

Dude.. there have been a ton of ugly astons, haha. I mean COME ON:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/c ... olante.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
or
http://www.shorey.net/Auto/British/Asto ... %20f3q.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Kurt Rahn]

Chris Bangle went to work for Aston Martin?

No, but that's the only other modern-day designer I could recall who completely f'd up his up-to-then-beautiful marque's designs.

Dude.. there have been a ton of ugly astons, haha. I mean COME ON:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/c ... olante.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
or
http://www.shorey.net/Auto/British/Asto ... %20f3q.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

That's why I said modern day. From the 70s through the 90s they were seriously fugly.

[Aaron Goldsmith]

That's why I said modern day. From the 70s through the 90s they were seriously fugly.

So really just the Ian Callum designs, maybe a little Fisker.

[Bob Beamesderfer]

Chris Bangle went to work for Aston Martin?

No, but that's the only other modern-day designer I could recall who completely f'd up his up-to-then-beautiful marque's designs.

Dude.. there have been a ton of ugly astons, haha. I mean COME ON:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/c ... olante.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
or
http://www.shorey.net/Auto/British/Asto ... %20f3q.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Now you know they put a Lotus in a couple of the Bond films back then.

[Ashley Armstrong]

HELLO!

[Sebastian Rios]

HELLO!

GOODBYE!

[Rick Brown]

Understanding Engineers: 101
Two engineering students, one pushing a bike, were walking across a university campus when the other said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

[Rick Brown]

Understanding Engineers: 102

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

[Rick Brown]

Understanding Engineers: 103

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, " That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

[Kurt Rahn]

LOL. Good ones.

[Rick Brown]

Understanding Engineers: 104
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers: 105
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


Understanding Engineers: 106
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

[Rick Brown]

Understanding Engineers: 107

An engineer was crossing the road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for a week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want me to." Again the engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

Finally the frog asked, "What's the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want me to. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"