Son of "Don't Drift this Thread"'s long lost cousin...

[Mike Simanyi]

http://www.sellyourgoldteeth.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Bob Beamesderfer]

http://www.sellyourgoldteeth.com/

"Throw out your gold teeth and see how they roll ... "

[Tadd Ekstrand]

Man Charged with Drunk Driving on a bar stool

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29971638/?GT1=43001" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Kurt Rahn]

Man Charged with Drunk Driving on a bar stool

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29971638/?GT1=43001" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Wow. I don't think I'd want to go anything near 38 MPH on that thing. Talk about high center of gravity.

[Aaron Goldsmith]

[Jeff Shyu]

sink hole?

[Will Kalman]

It's a Golf.

Sink hole-in-one.

[Christine Grice]

http://jalopnik.com/5191437/autozone-cu ... es-on-hold" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Buying parts from AutoZone is often a lesson in anger management and a battle against incompetence. James, an AutoZone customer, attempted to purchase Ford 9" axle seals, but 45 minutes on hold forced his hand.

This is the kind of story which makes us pine for the old days of the neighborhood parts store with clerks who knew by heart the part number for valve seals from a GM 235 inline six and had a set in a shelf in the back. Here, our hero, James, regales us with a tale of inconceivably bad service; A 45 minute period on hold where he decided to get in the car, drive down to the store, and figure out what the hell was going on that made it so difficult for them to quote him a price for his seals. This is his story:


So I got an event coming up at the local track...should be a fairly fun event and I want to take the truck out. Well....a few weeks ago, due to my own stupidity, I blew my hub seals on my rear end...and due to me catching the f***ing flu...and other sh**...I never got around to fixing them. So this is the week OF and I need the d*** seals, right?
So I call up AutoZone:

"Thank you for calling AutoZone, how can I help you?"
"Yeah, I'm looking for axle seals of a ford 9" rear end..."
"Oooh. umm...hold on a second...." and he puts me on hold.

....15 minutes later...someone ELSE picks up...

"...umm thank you for calling AutoZone, who are you holding for?"
"I'm holding for someone to help me find some axle seals..."
"Oh.. ummm. Huh.. hold on a second." and HE puts me on hold.

...10 minutes in, I'm getting pissed and I decide that this is a battle of wills. Them waiting for me to hang up....me waiting for them to get tired of the phone beeping and to pick up.

...10 MORE minutes....and I can feel my will about to give in completely to anger. F*** THIS! While STILL on hold, I jump in my daily driver and drive my a$$ up to the AutoZone I'm on hold with!

I get there about 10 minutes later...and there's 4 f***ers working...and like two people shopping...and one of them hits me up instantly:

"Welcome to AutoZone, how can I help you?"
...as I walk behind their counter to look for their phone...

"Yeah....do you have someone on hold right now?"
"Uh excuse me?"
...I point at the blinking, beeping phone...
"DO...YOU...HAVE...SOMEONE...ON...HOLD...RIGHT...NOW!?"
"Uhh...I guess so."
"You guess so?? Let me help you. You DO have someone on hold...ME! I've been on hold for 45 fucking minutes! What in the HELL is THAT all about?? Can you give me one good reason why you've had me on hold for almost a f***ing hour??"
"Well...uhh..I mean....uhhh...I was waiting for him (he points) to pick up.."
"He DID pick up...and put me right the f*** back on hold!"

"Uuhh..err....ahh...ummm..."
"Don't give me any bulls*** about how busy you are...there's no one f***ing in here! If my f***ing question was simply too difficult for you, TELL me."
"Well...what do you need sir?"
"What I needed was axle seals...but what I need NOW is to talk to YOUR f***ing manager."
"Yes sir."...and scampers off to get El Jefe....
Manager: "Yes sir, what seems to be the problem?"

...I tell him, "....and I'm STILL on hold!" That's right...I still haven't hung up...

He looks at the phone....picks it up...and says, "Uhh Autzone, may I help you?"
I yell into MY phone, "IT'S ME F***ER!!!" He jumps and hangs up.
"I'm hoping that isn't your policy here! That if you CAN'T answer the question, just put the person on hold until they hang up?"
"Uh no sir!"
"Well lets see if y'all CAN help me...now that I'm here."
He goes over to the computer...

I tell him, "I need axle seals for a 31 spline ford 9" rear end."
"What's it out of?"
"Hell...i don't know? Almost any 70s ford truck I'm sure."
"Well I need to know what it's out of."
"I do not know..."
"Well what's it in now?"
"That's not gonna help you."
"Sure it is"
"No...it won't. There's no way to search for the rear end?"
"No...so what's it in?"
"A 2001 CHEVY SILVERADO ok?? Does THAT help???"
"No."
"See?"

He connected me with someone at another AutoZone that actually WAS helpful...and I went over there to get the parts...

[Jeff Shyu]

[Rick Brown]

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029


Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Lichtenstein. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!


Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking..

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only..

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWAR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.


Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.


Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.


Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.



I Love This Country!

It's The Government That Scares Me!

[Jeff Shyu]

NOT SAFE FOR WORK! (but totally car related)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjjYBkTx5PI" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

i don't think it's fake? dunno, but slight n00d.

[Steve Ekstrand]

You know.... Exactly that sort of distraction occurred once at a Hollywood Park autocross in say 2003 or so....

I won't name names to protect the, uhm... guilty.

[Bob Beamesderfer]

NOT SAFE FOR WORK! (but totally car related)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjjYBkTx5PI" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

i don't think it's fake? dunno, but slight n00d.

Uh, where ya been, lad? That one's old.

[Jeff Shyu]

JOIN MY PYRAMID SCHEME..

http://dwargue.mybrute.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

i need more pupil so my e-toon can gain experience and kick other e-toons' ass while i'm at work!

[Aaron Goldsmith]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3QBcrliFNk

[Bob Beamesderfer]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3QBcrliFNk

I used to drink that crap. It was less toxic than the $2.50 a six pack commie east Europe stuff that showed up at a place in Phoenix that was kinda like BevMo.

[Sebastian Rios]

JOIN MY PYRAMID SCHEME..

http://dwargue.mybrute.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

i need more pupil so my e-toon can gain experience and kick other e-toons' ass while i'm at work!

That's kinda fun, I made a Pupil for you, Sebarghh.

[Tadd Ekstrand]

me to its blah24
http://blah24.mybrute.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Steve Ekstrand]

http://conemangler.mybrute.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

We can search on each other and challenge!

[Jeff Shyu]

me to its blah24
http://blah24.mybrute.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

lucky bastard with your combo!

[Tadd Ekstrand]

http://conemangler.mybrute.com

We can search on each other and challenge!

How did you search

[Larry Andrews]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3QBcrliFNk

The perfect ad for a beer that sold for $3.65 a twelveski in '85.

Here's a great bit also. People wonder why I left.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=169Z_pv5 ... re=related" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Jeff Shyu]

celebs are "on track" at the LBGP practice right now. they look so s-l-o-w.

[Jeff Shyu]

this is the only chunk of the track i get to see from my office window..



that, and i get to look across the vincent thomas at the field of parked cars.



the lot seems to be half empty now. wonder if the cars are finally moving.

[Bob Beamesderfer]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3QBcrliFNk

The perfect ad for a beer that sold for $3.65 a twelveski in '85.

Here's a great bit also. People wonder why I left.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=169Z_pv5 ... re=related" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Rednecks on parade. [they come from all parts of this fine nation, hick accents extra.]