T1 Road Racers Invade... The New Smack Talk Thread!

[Oli Thordarson]

Today was a great day of AutoClub Speedway autocross practice for the dirty unwashed messes of T1 road racing. My 14 year old son Kristjan drove his kart during the lunch time break. He narrowly missed beating my best time. On one hand I wanted to see him beat my time, but on the other I know I would not hear the end of it for two weeks if he did.

Everyone was a pleasant welcome to us noobs of cones and chalk. This was my second showing at a CalClub autocross event. Here is a link to the story of my first experience a bit over a year ago. Aw heck, I couldn’t find it anymore….

Anyway, Steve Abbot was a big disappointment. He was talking smack for a couple of weeks. Isley said if Abbott could not beat some Neanderthals T1 guys by at least two seconds he should quit. He couldn’t meet that challenge. Heck, the T1 guys could barely find their way around the course. T1 drivers are not very near the top rung of RQ (Racing Intelligence Quotient). We get confused if there is not a clearly marked path of asphalt with walls and stuff. Sometimes we even then we get turned around.

So Abbott is going to come on here and crow about his victory. What victory? Sure he posted a 63.8 to Dale’s 64.x and my 65.x, but I saw that supposed “fast run” of his. At solo practice I have found you guys don’t count cones and Abbott was counting on this omission. I watched his “fast run.” His silver Z06 looked like some sort of demented Pez dispenser on an overdose of fluorescent orange diuretics as he rounded the course. The way I calculated his time it should have been more like 863.8, but my calculator ran out of battery in the process. Next time I will keep it plugged into Dale’s generator when I am drawing that much power!

As for my time, yeah, I was probably close to two seconds off of Abbott’s hyper renal pace, but I should have had the fastest time of day. I figure that with what I know now my car should have:
1. More rear brake bias so I can rotate the beast into the corners better
2. Fresher rear tires as she was over-steering like a moonshiner nanny tourist late to the Black Friday opening of Walmart NY.
3. My race mirrors removed so I can see those danged markers on the tighter corners… REALLY!
4. Changed my oil as I am sure that would be good for another 15 HP
5. Filled my window washer tank in my car so I can rinse off all that orange fluorescent cone stuff I got on my windshield while waiting to get around Abbott on one of his slower runs where he actually managed to go in between some cones.
6. And a few other mods I need to keep secret for competitive advantage.

The way I figure it, I could have done a 48.xxx lap with a little better advance understanding of this motorsport you guys are so snooty about. I figure the:
o better tires are worth about .5 second
o better brake bias another .5 second
o removal of those mirrors, since I don’t need to be looking for you dudes anyway, is worth another .5 second
o secret modifications 1.5 seconds
o But just filling my window washer tank and getting Abbott the heck out of my way is worth another 14 seconds so I can uncork my wild 8 banger from Hay Deez.

Yeah, I met a lot of you naysayers out there today. But what do you guys know. You wouldn’t even let me make the changes to my car and then go out there and run another session by myself. What are you afraid of? Do you think some dumb road racer is gonna beat ya? What is that joke you guys always tell? If road racers where any smarter they would be called autocrossers or something like that…?

I think the ring leader was that dude in the white beemer running that big black wing. Simanyi is his name. Sure, he was all smiles, but can you really trust a guy that nice? People say he did a 62.0 flat. I think not. It’s a Beemer. I have never seen a BMW win NASCAR or a drag race so how can they go fast?

And who is the dude with the bald head and the funny way of talking. I thought we done run all them dudes off of the continent. Max Hayter is the name. That sounds like the name of a bad guy in a 1930’s comic strip. But I can’t be too rough on him. He went way out of his way to get the youth steward to come out just for my son to run his kart. It’s a good thing my son didn’t beat my time today Hayter or we’d be talkin’!!!

The real sleeper today was Katy Nicholl. She turned a 67 in a little unassuming red Miata that isn’t even hers. I have to pick those cars out of my radiator after a road race, but she made that car scoot. I felt so prideful when she asked for a ride in my car. Then I watched her drive. Waves of humiliation akin to my first autocross experience returned. I had to call Smiling Bob and order some Enzyte after witnessing her driving performance. Next time I will be a little more humble and hand her the keys. I will certainly learn a lot more about going fast from her than Abbott!

[Randy Chase]

Great write up.

[Steve Abbott]

WOW Oli. You seem so small in person, but a big man on the INTERNET. By the way my time was a 63.4. My write up is on the Solo talk page. It's a little more civil.

Steve

[Randy Chase]

Steve, my 2 cents but I saw it as all written tongue very firmly planted in cheek.

[Thomas Barrett]

Oli has been hanging around leisure suit louie too long.

The testosterone flows most of the time.

Here is the video link of the days fun.

Good work to everyone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lig2Wji2CfE" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Life is like a race, the best times win.

[Bill Schenker]

Oli, we have ONE thing in common. No, not that we both have racing cars - I mean, I just have a puny little Miata that everyone says is a girly car. No, it's that we both find that that Abbot guy has a bigger mouth then one of his rear Kumhos! I'm sorry I had to join in with him, but an autocrosser has got to do what he's got to do.

Great to see you guys out there and hope you come out again!!!

[Steve Ekstrand]

oli-

Changing the oil is good, but the real key to solo racers is decals.

A Type R decal on that Bowtie would be worth atleast a second a lap. And blue painters tape. You need lots and lots and lots of blue painters tape.

[Oli Thordarson]

Yes, my post is tongue in cheek. In fact, the post is nearly devoid of any real facts as I leaned more heavily towards satire of autocross and road racing caricatures. Katy Nicholl said it best on Friday when we were talking about autocrossers. Katy said, “There are a lot of quirky people here.” I can say the same thing about the paddock of any road race. Some of those guys seem larger-than-life. Ya gotta love ‘em.

There are only six facts in my post:

• 1. Steve Abbott did in-fact set the fast-time-of-day for the Corvettes to the best of my knowledge. But hey, I am a stupid road racer of an American V8 so what do I know. I did manage to tie my shoes this morning.
  2. Max Hayter went way out of his way to cajole a youth steward to the event so that two fine youngsters could drive their karts. For that I am extremely grateful. Max also turns out to be a neighbor practically. Of what little I have learned of him from his e-mail correspondence and his graciousness at the track I am very fortunate to have him as a neighbor. The whole Team Blew organization on Friday impressed me. CalClub is lucky to have them. I certainly hope Max knows my comments in my post are entirely in jest.
  3. Steve Simanyi’s times impressed the heck out of me. He is a nice guy, at least every time I saw him he had a good wholesome grin, but I guess I would have one of those too if I was carrying the FTD.
  4. I wanted to talk about Bill Schenker as I have seen so many of his posts on this forum. But I thought maybe his uncle from Idaho does not know all those missing snow shovels are now on the back of Bill’s Miata. In Idaho I hear stealing snow shovels is a capital offense between October and April.
  5. Katy Nicholl did run a 67 and I did feel inadequate after that. Yes I am fragile. Why do you think I race a Corvette? To have some young girl come within two seconds of my time in a V8 powered road racer with Hoosier A6s is emasculating. I had to go home and call for a crisis intervention with the Regional Exec and my therapist! I was moments away from slitting my national race license.
  6. There were so many other great people I met who impressed me. I just could'nt write about them all... this time.

Everything else was written to be a colorful farce with a little contemporaneous news woven in like the story about the Walmart employee getting trampled to death in New York while opening the doors on Black Friday. I just wanted to entertain folks a bit, but perhaps all I did was entertain myself and tick-off a few friends and valued SCCA volunteers.

In closing Steve, you were one of the first guys I met at one of my early track days four years ago. You were very helpful and an inspiration for me. Your coaching and our cat and mouse chases on the track brought a whole new level of fun to driving. You help developed me as a driver.

Steve, you know I am just kidding! Just like you were having fun with me while you were announcing yesterday or your adept delivery of friendly jabs in the paddock, this was just my way of having fun. You are a great driver. Everyone knows that. You are a good guy. I learned that four years ago. You are a good instructor. Anyone you have ever taught can vouch for that. I count you as a friend. Please accept my apologies.

[Steve Ekstrand]

Katy is an STS2L National Jacket in waiting (STSL under next years class letters).

[Oli Thordarson]

oli-

Changing the oil is good, but the real key to solo racers is decals.

A Type R decal on that Bowtie would be worth atleast a second a lap. And blue painters tape. You need lots and lots and lots of blue painters tape.

Hey Steve E., you gotta come clean with me on these autocross secrets. I know I am road racing guy, but jeez, I am in pain over here bud. I need some help.

So tell me, a Type R decal is worth a second you say. Does that formula go linear or non-linear if I add more than one Type R sticker. Or does it only work for one second with only one sticker at a time and that is why they call this solo racing?

[Max Hayter]

No offense taken here, Oli - I was cracking up:)

[Curt Luther]

Is Steve Simanyi MIke's brother? If so, I wanna co-drive with him... ;)

[Oli Thordarson]

Is Steve Simanyi MIke's brother? If so, I wanna co-drive with him... ;)

Oops!

Mike Simanyi is even faster than his brother Steve. Most of you don't know Steve Simanyi as he is kind of a recluse and Mike never talks about him.

[Steve Ekstrand]

oli-

Changing the oil is good, but the real key to solo racers is decals.

A Type R decal on that Bowtie would be worth atleast a second a lap. And blue painters tape. You need lots and lots and lots of blue painters tape.

Hey Steve E., you gotta come clean with me on these autocross secrets. I know I am road racing guy, but jeez, I am in pain over here bud. I need some help.

So tell me, a Type R decal is worth a second you say. Does that formula go linear or non-linear if I add more than one Type R sticker. Or does it only work for one second with only one sticker at a time and that is why they call this solo racing?

You have to be careful adding too many stickers..... We call that Bill Schenker Syndrome. The car becomes unreliable and the car owner starts eating Boca burgers.

[Sebastian Rios]

I love this thread!

[Aaron Goldsmith]

I love this thread!

[Bill Schenker]

...You have to be careful adding too many stickers..... We call that Bill Schenker Syndrome. The car becomes unreliable and the car owner starts eating Boca burgers.

How about we stop and look at the facts, shall we?

Every year my car had more and more stickers. Every year the car went faster. Last year Reijo and I finished 1st and 2nd @ the National Championships, and I won the Overall and PAX class Championships here.

At the beginning of the year I was again leading the Overall & Pax class w/my car covered in all those stickers.

Now, I cut waayyy back on the stickerage and what happens? I finish 4th @ Nationals, and Tom beats me every race (h*ll, even Patch is on my heels w/that "is-it-his-pig-of-a-Bimmer-or-the-dump-that's-making-all-that-smell" Shopping Kart.

I think the conclusion is clear...

[Robert Puertas]

I think the conclusion is clear...

You were faster before you got a girlfriend?

[Steve Ekstrand]

The Miata is clearly rejecting a putative straight driver.

[Giovanni Jaramillo]

I think the conclusion is clear...

You were faster before you got a girlfriend?

It's that "ball & chain" weighing him down

[Oli Thordarson]

It is a good thing I was a quick learner last Friday. This autocross stuff is really practical. I was at the airport tonight. I just returned from a business trip in Chicago.

The airport still had some traffic cones and stuff set-up from all the Thanksgiving weekend traffic. My flight was a bit late so I thought I would see what my Expedition could do through those cones as I hustled home.

I had a blast weaving and shucking that 6500 lb brick through the make-shift course. I really started to get the rhythm down as I picked up speed. I must have been doing good as one of the airport sheriffs on one of those new-fangled three wheelers started waving his arms and cheering me on. As I picked up my pace he got all excited and came over to race me. It was a great run, but as I built momentum he could not keep up. I just laughed and yelled that he needs to practice more and shouted that there is a practice on the 13th. One of his buddies at the other end of the white curb zone shouted something into his Motorola. I think he said they would be there.

Wow! I just love sharing my enthusiasm and getting others involved. This next practice day is going to be day everyone remembers for sure!

[Aaron Goldsmith]

Wow! I just love sharing my enthusiasm and getting others involved. This next practice day is going to be day everyone remembers for sure!

Come on Oli, you're good enough to come out on race day. Gotta see if you can get it done in 3 runs! Plus Abbot can't get away with hittin half the cones on course then,

[Oli Thordarson]

Wow! I just love sharing my enthusiasm and getting others involved. This next practice day is going to be day everyone remembers for sure!

Come on Oli, you're good enough to come out on race day. Gotta see if you can get it done in 3 runs! Plus Abbot can't get away with hittin half the cones on course then,

Well it all seems to hinge on my schedule right now. I will let you know. It appears there is some sort of misunderstanding with the airport law enforcement authorities. Oh, BTW, the sheriff told me he won't be making the practice on the 13th after all.

[Katy Nicholls]

How Cool Friday/Sunday was...

A chance to hang out with Team BLEW and Cal Club friends. Of course the day was going to be a good one! Well, exceeding expectations is an understatement! A day of great weather, sweet course (Thanks Pete!), cool people, and SWEET cars, made my day after Turkey Day one that I can't wait to revisit again next year.

The minute I saw the yellow T1 back out of the trailer a smile appeared on my face. Adding the knowledge that it was being piloted by an accomplished road racer, I knew I would have to muster the courage to ask for a ride. Imagine my excitement when the answer was Yes!
As the morning run group for the T1 came to a close, I thought I has missed my chance. How cool for the guy who I am a mere stranger to remember and offer the ride in the afternoon run group (Thanks Oli! ). With the help of his son Kristjan, I was snugly buckled in to the harness. Glancing over to deliver an anxious smile the clear sticker reading "Blood Type O+" on the front fascia of his helmet brought new insight to the level of risk road drivers take. Looking forward to prepare to pull up to the line I thought, damn that's hard core!

Two runs later, there was no chance this smile was disappearing anytime soon. Add that experience to my already great morning of rides in the Schenker mobile, witnessing Max's new found love for the trusted Red Miata, and the incredibly cool rides and drives of Mike S, Sean G, and the All Start Civic/Evo, my Friday ROCKED!!!!

This weekend just confirmed that I love everything about this sport!!
I love that people from all walks of life can come together to feed in our common addiction while experiencing unmatched camaraderie and competition . Cool people + driving sweet cars = a screaming good time!

Team Blew pulled together a fabulous weekend!
Thanks to all the people who have been so kind and helpful to me. It makes it so easy to keep coming back for more!